Anecdotes & Observations

♦ Luke and Clementine have the same little cartilaginous ear nodule!  Luke accepts this as incontrovertible evidence of paternity.

♦ Even though I gained 30 pounds during pregnancy, postnatal day 11 finds me only 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.  Holy diuresis, Batman!

♦ Although we have been treated to it only a handful of times (and each around 3 a.m.), Clementine's full-on wail assures me she inherited her father's vital capacity, along with the ear nodule.

♦ From the couch: Netflix's House of Cards is such a great show.  WATCH, Y'ALL.  The writing is excellent and the cinematography is gorgeous.  (Only beefs: the rest of the cast acts circles around Kate Mara; the Hispanic character of Linda Vasquez is played by an Indian actress.  Why??)  I've started listening to Molly Wizenberg's A Homemade Life. 

♦ So glad to be nursing in the age of the smartphone.  Handy for Pinterest-ing, Googling articles about pacifier use, taking a zillion pictures of C while taking care to keep one or both of my giant moon-boobs out of the frame.

Any recommendations for shows, audiobooks, or other hands-free diversion, readers?  I'm planning to watch Breaking Bad and Homeland at some point, and start listening to NPR (my commute pastime).  I miss you, Steve Inskeep!

 

A Baby Story

From

to

in 39 weeks and 13 pushes.

WEDNESDAY MORNING: OB appt.  2 cm dilated.  Otherwise no activity.  Back to work as usual.

WEDNESDAY EVENING: Impromptu lasagna and salad at Chip and Joy's after work, where Luke has spent the afternoon.  He goes to his gig; I go home.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT: Begin to have sporadic contractions, which I think may be Braxton-Hicks contractions (did not experience much in preceding weeks).  They increase in pressure and I text Luke to please come home early!

THURSDAY MORNING: Luke comes home, with a chocolate milkshake (best labor coach).   Continue to have sporadic contractions between 15 to 45 minutes apart through the night.  I e-mail my section chief that I cannot come to work because I may be in labor.

THURSDAY: Contractions continue irregularly.  Increasingly uncomfortable.  We hang around the house, watch Louis CK Chewed Up, eat my requested lunch of caprese sandwiches and Terra chips.  Still wondering if this could be false labor.  Time contractions with handy app.

THURSDAY NIGHT: Around 8 pm, contractions increase in tempo and severity and end with irresistible urge to pee, akin to the feeling of a urinary tract infection.  STARTING TO REALLY HURT.  The pain is not in the small of my back as I anticipated, but in the large of my front (Luke's words).

THURSDAY NIGHT, LATE: Same as above, but with vomiting.  As I writhe in pain in the grip of a wicked contraction, simultaneously vomiting and peeing on the bathroom floor, I am convinced that this is active labor.

FRIDAY MORNING: Contraction app comes in handy.  With contractions every 5 minutes, we rush to the hospital and make our way to L&D triage at 2:30 am.

The resident checks my cervix and to my relief I am 5 cm dilated and completely effaced.  Throughout my pregnancy I had said I did not want an epidural so as I am being evaluated I moan:

I WANT AN EPIDURAL PLEASE PAGE ANESTHESIA 
I WANT AN EPIDURAL I SAID I DIDN'T BUT THAT WAS CRAZY TALK!

Admission consents are signed, I am moved out of triage, and anesthesia arrives, my savior in scrubs.  He promises to take my pain from an 8/10 to a 5/10.  The epidural is placed and the pain vanishes, aside from a 2 x 2 inch spot in my groin.  I mention it, a bit more drug is pushed, and then I feel nothing.  No contractions, no pressure, nothing. Ahhhhh.  I wiggle my toes.  I feel so glad to be living in an era of modern medical intervention.  We wait.

Soon after I am 8 cm dilated and the OB resident breaks my water.  Less than one hour later, it's 10 cm.  Fetal heart decelerations bring about 20 people in the room in a few seconds.  Upon examination she is turned such that we are spine to spine - the OB discusses with me the need to turn her, the possibility of forceps/vacuum/C-section.  While pushing, they successfully turn her.  I push through three more contractions, and at 6:03 am she is born.  [I am uncertain whether she is out, due to the epidural.]  She cries, is taken to be cleaned, and the team turns its attention to the perineal aftermath (the repair of which takes much longer than the delivery).  I ask to see the placenta and am satisfied that it is big, beefy, and normal.

Luke holds her and then she is given to me.  And here there are no words.

FRIDAY, SATURDAY, SUNDAY: We spent the required 48 hours in the postpartum unit.  The hospital has a skin to skin and rooming-in policy (there is no well baby nursery).  The lactation consultants provided invaluable assistance and support (BREASTFEEDING IS NOT EASY.  The childbirth experience, even as alleviated by the epidural, provided a parade of different pain types from deep, crushing, and visceral (contractions), sharp and stabbing (postoperative), and ending with blinding excruciation in the instance of BF.  Everything has gotten much better, however.)

My mom arrived Friday afternoon and my dad on Monday.  Luke's parents visited us at home from Thursday to Saturday.

As I type this, Clementine dozes at my feet and my heart feels unbearably full with love for my daughter and my husband.

We are absolutely enthralled by her.  The scent of the top of her head, the expressions that flit across her face: we are in love.

Third Trimester

In repose, in duplicate

38 weeks and counting!

Some reflections on:

♦ HORMONES AND SUCH  No cravings to report.  I started drinking milk, which reflects the moratorium on the [lax] 'no calories from drinks' rule.  Also milk is the only way to dissipate spicy-food taste, and I make a lot of spicy food for LH. No bizarre or formerly-disliked foods have become palatable all of a sudden.

♦ NESTING  No bursts of nesting, unfortunately.  The house is sort of a mess, the nursery is a baby-supply staging area rather than quiet retreat, as we anticipate putting her in the mini-crib next to us for several months. And because I keep waiting for the nesting burst, perhaps mis-manifested as watching Cook's Country on PBS and reading non-parenting books and leaving the blackout curtains I purchased weeks ago in the box on the floor. I need to leave some activities for my six weeks of maternity leave, right?

♦ SEQUELAE  Second and third trimesters have been easy breezy beautiful MotherGirl.  I have managed to avoid many nuisances such as heartburn (have never experienced, ever), hemorrhoids, stretch marks (maybe I should look more closely, or maybe not), frequent urination, overall discomfort or inability to get comfortable.  Once the first trimester fatigue/slight pukiness/disinterest in most food (except for delicious cold creamies like guacamole, egg salad, milkshakes) passed, it's been smooth sailing.  I FEEL SO LUCKY.  Some women are so miserable.  (Not to mention not experiencing real complications rather than annoyances).

♦ ARE WE READY?  Of course not.  I don't know how you could prepare fully for such an abrupt life-altering change.  We are excited and enjoying the Last Days of Just Us.  (I like what Miranda July has to say on the topic of motherhood ... what will it be like to wake up and not have the luxury to wonder 'what will I do today [for myself]?', which has been so fabulous for so many years). We've read the books, we have the stuff, the freezer is full of lasagna.

♦ THE BLISSFUL IGNORANCE OF THE PRIMIGRAVIDA  Luke has a better sense of the imminence of the birth than I do.  Even though I can feel the baby moving and jostling all the time, there is a disconnect that I am at a loss to explain.  It feels very surreal that a tiny baby will emerge (somehow) and belong to us.  He assures me it will feel very, very real very, very soon.

♦  HUSBAND. Best-ever labor coach.  This whole blog is about how much I adore Luke, and this experience has only deepened my love and in-love-ness with that man.

♦  QUESTIONS!  What will she look like? (I'm calling it now: like Luke, dark eyes, bald) Her temperament?  Will I see the mucus plug? (Luke: Tell me if you see it.  DO NOT SHOW ME.)  Will breastfeeding be easy(ish)?  Will my water break in spectacular sitcom fashion?  What will it feel like to see Luke holding our daughter?  What do I do with a baby??  Will I have a waist again?

♦  THE NEW NORMAL  As it's difficult to envision Life With Baby, I have a small list of postpartum activities I'm either eager to try or return to, in broad categories: exercising without protest from uterine ligaments (riding bike, stroller walks, Spinning and barre classes), chemical exposures (tooth bleach, Brazilian blowout, Vitamin Botulinum shots), foods (deli meats, queso fresco, margaritas, spicy tuna rolls).

♦ SO THANKFUL for an enjoyable and easy time so far.

♦ THE EXTENT OF MY BIRTH PLAN  Hopeful for an easy(ish) delivery with a healthy baby and healthy me at the end of it!

        ♥ See you on the other side, readers! ♥
 

In Others' Words

Grandpa helping Dad with model airplane, winter 2012   You Can't Have It All
by Barbara Ras
But you can have the fig tree and its fat leaves like clown hands gloved with green. You can have the touch of a single eleven-year-old finger on your cheek, waking you at one a.m. to say the hamster is back. You can have the purr of the cat and the soulful look of the black dog, the look that says, If I could I would bite every sorrow until it fled, and when it is August, you can have it August and abundantly so. You can have love, though often it will be mysterious, like the white foam that bubbles up at the top of the bean pot over the red kidneys until you realize foam's twin is blood. You can have the skin at the center between a man's legs, so solid, so doll-like. You can have the life of the mind, glowing occasionally in priestly vestments, never admitting pettiness, never stooping to bribe the sullen guard who'll tell you all roads narrow at the border. You can speak a foreign language, sometimes, and it can mean something. You can visit the marker on the grave where your father wept openly. You can't bring back the dead, but you can have the words forgive and forget hold hands as if they meant to spend a lifetime together. And you can be grateful for makeup, the way it kisses your face, half spice, half amnesia, grateful for Mozart, his many notes racing one another towards joy, for towels sucking up the drops on your clean skin, and for deeper thirsts, for passion fruit, for saliva. You can have the dream, the dream of Egypt, the horses of Egypt and you riding in the hot sand. You can have your grandfather sitting on the side of your bed, at least for a while, you can have clouds and letters, the leaping of distances, and Indian food with yellow sauce like sunrise. You can't count on grace to pick you out of a crowd but here is your friend to teach you how to high jump, how to throw yourself over the bar, backwards, until you learn about love, about sweet surrender, and here are periwinkles, buses that kneel, farms in the mind as real as Africa. And when adulthood fails you, you can still summon the memory of the black swan on the pond of your childhood, the rye bread with peanut butter and bananas your grandmother gave you while the rest of the family slept. There is the voice you can still summon at will, like your mother's, it will always whisper, you can't have it all, but there is this.

Likes and Finds

This American Life TV show - just two seasons on Showtime, available here, also Netflix.  Watch and be enriched.  (The Season Two feature on Mike Phillips is astonishing... watch a bit here).

Threshold home goods at Target.  Polished and affordable.  Love the bedding.

Emily Henderson's design blog. I had to break up with Design Sponge because I couldn't bear another post beginning with "I'm a big fan of..."  I like Henderson's fun and personable prose style, and practical posts like how to choose a color palette and favorite houseplants and 'on a personal note'.

Boscia sunscreen continues to be a marvel.  Maybe I'll try the new SPF 30 formulation for more oomph as summer rolls around (there is no spring here).

This marvelous Richard Angell essay.

To feel great about living in America, read On Saudi Arabia: Its People, Past, Religion, Fault Lines- And Future

Oroweat Healthfull 10 Grain bread: 5 g of protein and 5 g of fiber per slice.

Vollrath baking sheets don't warp in the oven, even under the broiler.

Zero Dark Thirty, a slightly uneven but overall well-made and thoughtful movie (compared to Argo, this review of which hits the nail on the head, in my opinion).  Anyway, the movie made me think of picking up breakfast for a conference I was giving the day bin Laden's death was announced.  Donut Drive-In made special doughnuts for the occasion:



 

2013

via

My almost-two weeks off is drawing to a close... a fabulous time to celebrate the holidays, to prepare the house for baby, and lay around the house with the man of the house (something that never happens on weekdays).  This time together has been relaxing and precious.  Though so excited for the baby's arrival, there is a certain mourning for this time of our lives: spontaneous trips, 2 am dance parties for two, naps whenever (we don't really nap, but we could).  Soon our family life epicenter and focus and schedules will change and it is somewhat bittersweet.  On to the next adventure; it's time.

January brings resolutions and reflections to the forefront, which made me revisit this post from November 2011.  How did I do?

Walk/tennis: Not so much. 

Research projects: Plugging along.  A recent collaboration was accepted for a podium presentation.

Knitting: No.  I never sit around (in my dream commute I spend 20 minutes on a train everyday, knitting away) so this hobby may never take off.  It's also very, very hot here with little need for knitted garments.

New underwear: Buying nursing bras does not count.

Learn about music: Started piano lessons in May, did not practice enough, need to read to supplement understanding (music theory, A Natural History of the Piano)  My goal is to resume lessons in a few months and be a proficient sight-reader at that time.

Fix hair: Gonna go a little darker this Friday.  I love this little-bit-of-pink-hair trend, however, given that I will be 35 before I can try it out (=15 years outside age-appropriate range), I don't brush my hair in the first place, and I wear the same clothes for consecutive days with Dansko clogs, this seems a bridge too far.

Cooking and baking a lot: YES.  I cook and bake a lot.  We installed a chest freezer and purchased a Costco membership.  When I divvyed up a $6.59 5 lb bag of shredded mozzarella into 1 lb bags and promptly used one to make and freeze a sausage (also from the freezer) and broccoli rabe lasagna, I thought, yes, the $110 membership is so worth it. I felt like a Very Good Wife.

Freezer inventory late December 2012



Volunteer more steadily at Morgan's Wonderland: I didn't keep up with volunteering after the park re-opened after its winter break and after becoming pregnant standing outside in 100+ degrees was a no-

go.  I do plan on taking Baby H here a bunch, especially when she's older.

 

Make wedding album on Blurb: A project fully executed, at last.

 

Blogging: Has turned out to be a great record of our life in Texas.

2013 Plans

 

Long walks with Baby H in nearby parks and greenways, especially before the weather takes a turn for the Dantean again. Get flexible at Smart Barre, a 4 minute bike ride from our house.  Spinning. 

Research projects: Keep plugging away.

Music: Sit at piano.  Connect brain and fingers.

Cooking and baking:  My main hobby.  Goals: limit meat to 2-3x/week, emphasis on veggies, less white food (flour/sugar), find a place to grow kitchen herbs (a spectacular failure so far).

Needlework: Restart cross-stitch, learn embroidery or perhaps get a sewing machine.

Wyoming: Family vacation in August.  Florida: Society meetings in the fall. Montreal: July meeting I realllly want to go to because I've never been to Montreal.

In the short-term: Adjust to life with a newborn, which promises to be magical, exhilarating, and exhausting!





 

30 Days with a Grateful Heart

This concludes my 30 days of gratitude, although I fell woefully behind and have so very many things to be thankful for (wonderful families by blood and marriage - with a extra hug for my very dear sisters and sisters-in-law; friends whom I love so much; Grand Scheme Things like living in a free society, sanitation, air conditioning, all of human knowledge at one's Googling fingertips, potable water that becomes the perfect temperature just by turning a knob...I mean, being human has gotten so good in the last 100 years).

But what has gotten so good about being me in the last three years is this man:

 

Forever thankful for

amazed to know

constantly delighted by

astonished at

 

my husband, with whom I fall more in love everyday.

 

My heart-cup runneth over.